We have to understand that there are only two states in our life, in our reality: a state of darkness, a shade, or a state of Light, connection, the revelation of the good and the benevolent. There is nothing in between. If by hearing about it a person constantly tries to clarify the states he goes through, whether it is a shade or the revelation of the Creator, he will advance by the middle line.
Baal HaSulam, Shamati, Article 8: “What is the Difference Between the Shade of Kedusha and the Shade of Sitra Achra“: “Instead, all the changes are in the receivers. We must observe two discernments in this shade…”
The first is when a person can still unite with the friends, by overcoming the thoughts about separation and the “blurring” of the senses. He can still overcome the darkness and the concealment; he still understands that he has lost the goal, the way to the Creator.
But on the whole, no one conducts actual self-criticism, “Why do I feel this way? Where is this feeling coming from?” I am not my own psychologist, I simply feel good or bad, like a child. I don’t calculate who sends me these thoughts and these feelings. I “stew” in them, and sink into my body, like a small child.
Yet a person must know and examine himself: “What has summoned my feelings and my thoughts? How can I ascend above myself, above the current state? How can I get out of this swamp by pulling myself by my hair?” A person always looks at himself from the side, “Yes, I am deep in my egoistic desire. Yes, it controls me. True, it doesn’t allow me to connect, it doesn’t let me get up for the lesson, it forces me to disconnect, it makes the daily life with all its dealings seem more important. But I see that I am in this state and that it is opposite from the goal.”
How can I understand and recognize this? When I am still connected to something external, to the group. Here comes the moment of truth, I can check whether I was really connected to the group or not. If I wasn’t connected, I only feel myself: I feel bad, I don’t want anything, etc. Furthermore, I don’t even try to account for this and simply flow along without any special thoughts or desires.
But if I were connected to the group, if I had an alliance with the friends, according to which they have to help me even if I fall and turn in anther direction, the inner connections is kept, I would care about how they see me, and I wouldn’t totally forget about my commitment. They would support me and I would be able to see myself from the side and to clarify my feelings.
Thus I will be divided into two: my own self and my attitude towards the group. Only then, by holding on to the connection with the friends, will I be able to clarify and check myself and by that to start the ascent that follows the descent. Otherwise, I have no chance; I simply fall and leave. So a person can overcome the first type of shade, by justifying the current state and understanding that it was sent to him by the Creator. Then he can call the Creator for help.
Why do I turn to Him? Not in order to feel better, because then I would be asking to annul my evil inclination, which He has created, by adding the Torah as a spice for it. So I should ask for the spice, so that the power of love and bestowal, the power of connection, will come from Above and enable me to advance towards the other line.
“When one still has the ability to overcome the darkness and the concealment that one feels, justify the Creator and pray to the Creator that the Creator will open his eyes to see that all the concealments that one feels come from the Creator.”
When a person is left helpless and sees no way out, when he curses the Creator, the friends and life, he is still looking at himself from the side and suddenly sees a chance for a breakthrough, he can demand that the Creator will save him. Why? Because he does not accept the state when the Creator’s providence seems bad, and he cannot justify Him. A person feels bad because he thinks badly of the good and the benevolent, by being opposite from Him. If life seems bad, it is a sign that I am opposite from the Creator.
We have to build a Masach (screen) and the Returning Light above all the hard situations. Even in the worst situations I must see the Creator as their source, as the Light that is full of all the infinite abundance, but that is broken inside me and turns into a bad feeling, into a shade, into darkness, since my attributes are opposite from the good and the benevolent, opposite from the attribute of bestowal and love.
Thus we advance each time we clarify things correctly. The main thing is to constantly discover this point, “What do I feel? Who is sending me this feeling? Why am I experiencing this feeling?” This is the whole principle of our work and this is what divides humanity into the 1% and the 99%.
From the Lesson from Brazil 5/03/12, Shamati #8