The Sinful Sweetness Of The Ego
The First Restriction (Tzimtzum Aleph) brought about the shattering of the worlds. Without the prohibition, there would have been nothing to break and no sin. When there is an opening, everyone can come and take whatever they want to. But if I install a door and say that the place belongs to someone, from now on, you need permission to get in there.
You need to follow certain rules according to which you can receive something from that place. Pay and you will get something. If you have a screen, the Reflected Light, and the equivalence of form, you can go ahead and receive.
So until the Light reaches phase four in every Sefira of the world of Nekudim, nothing is shattered. Only when phase four begins to receive from the upper Light does it bring about the shattering. And now the problem is that these vessels are corrupt and distorted. They distorted the goal, and from now on they no longer feel that altruism is an exalted, great property. They don’t see any point in bestowal. On the contrary, all their aspirations, their search for pleasure, and inner genes are aimed at receiving for their own sake.
If the genes, not corrupt by the shattering, were active in us, things would be totally different! Then we would yearn for bestowal having no other choice, like beasts. All our internal genes, all our desires, everything stems from the shattering.
I “carry” all the world of Infinity that tried to receive egoistically after me. You can imagine what a “bag” of ego I am carrying. New egoistic desires keep popping out from this bag, revealing my big ego to some extent.
This is all a problem that was created after the shattering, when I felt some taste in receiving for myself, and how this taste attracts and lures me. I know that it is the “potion of death,” but this can’t stop me either. I am ready to die, just to enjoy! This is what happens in our life, and we feel it very clearly.
Rabash says in one of his articles that a person can reach such love of friends that he is ready to die for that love, to give his life for the society. It isn’t some accidental urge, but a sober calculation because the upper Light operates in a way that a person begins to appreciate bestowal more than himself. But in our egoistic state everything is the opposite: I appreciate the pleasure I receive more than I appreciate my life.
That is, we see from these two examples that pleasure is the foundation of the entire creation. Man is not afraid to die—if he experiences pleasure before that.
[72767]
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/11/2012, TES
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As in Jonah chapter four, he is ready to die, sees it good to die: I understand this desire to die but it is to finally die to the ego completely because one thoroughly discerns how evil it is to continually be oppressed by the will to receive: The is no death in the will to bestow since this is LIFE which has no death in it:
A simple creature we are no doubt? Seeking sweet sugar. Interesting is it not, that in the full growth and maturity of such a thing, is the taste in sugaring someone else and not oneself?