A person doesn’t care whether he receives or bestows, but rather how he feels about it. If I feel good, I am ready to bring you a present every day, every moment. The main thing is that it brings me pleasure.

The problem is not giving the present, but feeling pleasure in this. The moment I feel that bestowal fills me, I will give you whatever you want. I don’t think about whether to give or not to give, but about how to derive pleasure from it.

There isn’t much room for philosophy here because we are merely the desire to enjoy, and so we can do anything if it brings us fulfillment. The question is how to perform actions without receiving any fulfillment?

This is why we were given the desire to fill ourselves egoistically so that above it, we will build our attitude to the form of fulfillment. I have to check myself: How do I enjoy? This means that I grab myself by the throat and now decide how I should enjoy: this way or the other. Until then, I strangle myself and don’t allow myself to receive anything.

Then I become independent. I am free with regards to the filling, and am able to stop myself from receiving fulfillment or, on the contrary, to fill myself. This makes me similar to the Creator because He is the master both of the desire and the fulfillment, and so I also become the master and have control over the two.

We don’t understand how we can strangle ourselves with our own hands and how free we are once we reach that! It is such a high status that only in it am I called “Human.”

Until then there is only an automatic calculation in me and nothing more than that. It is like wanting to stop smoking because it is unhealthy. It all depends on what is more important to me.
[72564]
From the 3rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/11/2012, TES

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