All the work is done by the Light, which returns to the source. But for this I first need to realize my evil, to feel that my desire, my qualities, my state cause me harm. I feel so bad that I am about to explode from this demand called MAN, a prayer.

However, this demand must be properly structured: Why do I wish to rid myself of my evil? Is it only to make myself feel good, or I am not able to tolerate this evil because it is not me that it harms, but others?

When I discover that my qualities are harming my neighbor and the Creator (and this can only be discovered through working in the group), I find myself before two uncompromising facts. On one hand, I value bestowal very much and wish to attain bestowal to the Creator through bestowing to the creatures, as it is written: “From love for the creatures to love for the Creator.” But on the other hand, I feel that I am very far from it, and this causes me suffering.

The reforming Light (the Light which returns to the source) gives me this realization, and this is called preparation, through which I realize my full measure and achieve an absolute prayer, desperation from my lack of the quality of bestowal, participation, mutual guarantee, and love for my neighbor, without which it is impossible to attain love for the Creator.

Man purposefully lacks the need for bestowal so he would feel that he needs it! Because only then will I have an opportunity to someday escape my egoistic desire, and when I attain bestowal, it will be the real bestowal.

But if I could see pleasure and a certain personal benefit in bestowal from the beginning, instead of being bestowal, this would be a concealed reception. This is why it is necessary to advance from the opposite by working in the group and preparing your desire. And until I feel that connection is more important than me and my friend is more important than me, I am not considered to have a desire to bestow and merge with the Creator.

Bestowal means that the desire of my neighbor or the desire of the Creator is more important to me than my own desire. This is the way to evaluate my importance of bestowal, and if I still lack it, then I need to prepare myself with the help of the reforming Light until my awakening from below (Itaruta de-Letata) reaches an ability to evoke awakening from Above (Itaruta de-Leila).

And do not hope for awakening from Above to come to you on its own without preparation or awakening from below. This is because until that point, you lack the vessel, the desire, where the upper Light could manifest. So do not expect mercy from Above.

Of course, there will be many times when you will receive help from above, you will be given different opportunities to awaken: both pleasant and not pleasant—but no more than that. You will still need to reach the right desire. And the more you procrastinate, not wishing to awaken yourself, the weaker and less clear will be the awakening from Above, which will be in the form of some very indirect and distant possibilities and foggy clues.

So we need to hurry and try to do it with the help of the group, a wonderful tool given to us from Above to have an ability to awaken ourselves every time and increase our desire, until we reach the kind of awakening from below which can evoke awakening from Above.
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From the 1st part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/09/12, Shamati #5

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