Question: You said that inner discernments begin even before the Machsom. But what should I discern if I still haven’t acquired the quality of bestowal and am entirely immersed in my will to enjoy?

Answer: It is precisely before the Machsom that you must discern just how much you desire everything in life only for your own good. However, these discernments are made with the help of the Light.

I constantly check: Am I doing this for myself or for the sake of others? I do this in relation to everyone and in all directions. I constantly discern what my thoughts and calculations are: “I hate him, but I have to ascend above this because my hatred comes from my ego, my will to enjoy. But if I ascend above my ego in the intention of bestowal, then I will start to love this person and act for his good. Even though this will evoke negative sensations inside the will to enjoy, in my intention I will feel that I have ascended to holiness and bestowal.” These discernments take place constantly before the Machsom.

Try to enjoy the fact that you are trampling your ego. One might think that this is masochism, a psychological disorder. But it’s not a disorder because at the same time you are united with your future inner quality of bestowal, which is good. You identify yourself with this new quality.

This does not mean that you like suffering. No! You like being inside this new quality of bestowal, and therefore you try to ascend above your will to enjoy. Even though you suffer inside it, you still enjoy in the quality of bestowal. And after making the discernment, you suddenly feel, “There’s absolutely no reason for me to suffer! On the contrary, I have turned my will to enjoy to the will to bestow, and this enabled me to ascend even more!”

This is not simple. But by virtue of several such actions, it happens. In any case pleasure is a sign that an action has reached completion: either in reception, Klipa, or in bestowal, holiness. Either way, pleasure has to happen as the completion. We enjoy in any case because the goal of creation is to enjoy.
From the 4th part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 1/20/11, “The Quality of the Hidden Wisdom – in General”

Related Material:
The Primordial Point Of Love
Learning To Use The Pharaoh
A Psychological Barrier On The Path To Bestowal

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