A question I received: I have been a student for about seven months, and it has been an emotional roller coaster. I feel good and then I feel bad. I am immersing myself more into study and dissemination and I feel like I am becoming a different person, but it seems that it is affecting me more and more in a negative way. For example, I am constantly evaluating myself and seeing how my ego seems to be growing. I am also becoming judgmental of other people. I am beginning to see how their ego is ruling their actions. I am becoming angry at my ego and I am angry at other people for their ego, even though I know I have no right to judge others and should only work on myself.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel angry, emotionally exhausted, and unhappy, which is the opposite of what I am supposed to be. I am supposed to feel bestowal from the Creator.

My Answer: You are going through a period of growth of your egoistic desire. Inside of this desire, you will then start perceiving new pictures of the world and different connections between things. Be strong, don’t break the routine studies and unity with the group. Then you will quickly go through this period of accumulating the egoistic desire. Every step forward always consists of two parts: the growth of the egoistic desire (what you are going through now), and then the revelation of a new attainment inside it.

Related Material:
Laitman.com Post: This Path Can Only Be Surmounted by Those Who Walk It
Laitman.com Post: How To Overcome The Descents (Advanced)
Shamati #4 : “What Is the Reason for the Heaviness One Feels when Annulling before the Creator in the Work”
A Guide to the Hidden Wisdom of Kabbalah: 4.”The Recognition of Evil and the Revelation of Good”

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