A letter I received: I’m ashamed of my desires, and I’d be ashamed if you knew what they are. More and more, I feel that I want it all: all the women, all the power, money, and honor. I feel so envious of others that I don’t know where so much envy can come from! My body refuses to do anything, and I feel like a bottomless glass. I also feel that absolutely nothing is up to me, that I’m like play dough, or a feather in the wind.

Yesterday I had the desire to become president, but today I can’t even get out of bed – I have no motivation or desire. I want to roll up into a ball or burst into pieces.

Yet, I try to connect all that’s happening to the Creator, and I’m thankful that I can at least think about Him. At other times I try to fall into oblivion and forget about everything. I have faith, but with a hint of reproach.

I always remember that you and the group are there, and other people who are searching. Whether I am suffering, trying to run away from the suffering (to forget about it all), trying to find the meaning of my life (if you can even call it a life) and of all life in general – I believe that only the Creator can help me, no one but Him.

My Response: This is life – your first realization of it. Later on, you will understand the changes you’re going through, and right now, you’re learning about yourself, your nature, and your egoism. You’ll later come to hate your egoism and decide to separate from it – and that will be your return from exile.

All of these states are wonderful, because you’re delving into nature, and the Creator is teaching you who you are. After all, you’re not forgetting about Kabbalah and about Him. Read “There Is None Else Beside Him” and other articles from Shamati (I Heard).

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